Imagine you’ve got an opportunity to try something new, but are nervous about it. Imagine you’ve got someone, a co-worker, who said they’ve accompany you or help mentor you, to bring you along. And you’re counting on this person (lets call her Jane) to help you so you don’t have to do it alone.
Now imagine you’ve set a time/date to meet with Jane to go over the particulars, so you could get the lay of the land to help yourself visualize what it is you’ve got to get done — only to realize Jane has forgotten about you and will not be making your meeting. Now you have to move forward with no direction and have no idea how to do it alone.
What’s your first reaction? Anger? Disbelief at their lack of reliability? Or … do you stop and remind yourself that the world is not all about YOU … and this person may have had unusual circumstances that gave them cause to forget or no show?
Now imagine that you’re out grocery shopping, and you see Jane shuffling down the aisle with a sick and aging person next to her side. She’s walking as slow as she can to help what looks to be a loved one down the aisle in one of those motorized carts. Although you’re still upset with her for leaving you holding the weight of this ‘new project’ and leaving you feeling like you’ve been stranded with it, you know you can’t ignore her. After all she’s seen you and smiled from across the freezer section. You lift your arm in greeting, and make your way there. After all … it’s where you were heading anyway – as you promised you’d pick up a pound of shrimp for your family.
“Hi,” you offer and say nothing more. You’re still judging her in your mind for not giving you the support you needed.
“Hi. How’s the project going?” She sadly smiles.
Here’s where hopefully it dawns on you that she has a lot on her plate, and you can see the bigger picture with Jane and not judge her for the small window or piece of your experience about her that you’ve only seen from work.
“I could use some help.” You say wondering if you have the right.
“I’m sorry. I’d fully intended to help you along, but my mother’s health took a turn for the worse. My father died last year, and she took a fall last week … about the same time you and I were supposed to meet.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, I’ve been distracted to say the least. And I’ve got a lot on my plate … I didn’t want anyone at work to think anything less of my or jump to the conclusion that I couldn’t get it all done .. which is why I delegated that project to you. I knew I couldn’t take care of her and work that project at the same time.”
I’m sure you can imagine the rest of the conversation … Jane is balancing trying to be everything to everyone and something just had to give. Unfortunately for you, her exit was bad timing for you and your new responsibilities. So what’s the bottom line here?
Too many times in life, we put people in categories or stereotype them as flaky or unreliable, when maybe they’re just coping the best they can with the circumstances they’ve been given. Instead of judging someone or being angry with how they respond (especially if its in a manner which you would ‘never’ respond) – try to look at life through their perspective. Try give the credit for the unknowns in life. Maybe their life is full of complications – and your one project or task isn’t the big picture.
This post is about letting our assumptions go of other people. This post is about thinking better of people. Instead of jumping to anger – try jumping to empathy. Put yourself in someone else’s shoes today. Going forward when someone upsets you – think of what’s going on in their life instead of jumping to anger and judgment. This is something we all could benefit from, myself included. I think the world would be a lot better place if we all changed our filter and took the focus off of ‘our ego’ and centered it on ‘what Christ wants us to see’.
Try it … and let me know what happens.