animals, babies, care taking, child birth, children, chocolate, chocolate lab, death, faith, family, family bonds, friendship, health, life, love, nostalgia, pets, relationships, sleeplessness, son, surviving

Sadness for Today

I came home today, after dropping my son off at school, to a saturated carpet. My 14 year old puppy lost control of his abilities. I’ve been putting off taking him to put him down, knowing that he’s getting more feeble. He’s still like my puppy in so many ways. He still gets excited and can play with toys in joy. He still wants to love and show affection.

So I’ve been telling myself he was fine. He lasted 14 days at the vet, while being boarded when we were on vacation last month. The vet said he didn’t think he was going to make it at first because he’s stressed himself out so much, with us leaving him there, that his bowels were loose and uncontrollable. However, he gave Hershey meds to help him, and my sweet doggie turned a corner for the better, and continued to do well.

But ever since we brought him home, he’s just not been the same. He doesn’t sleep through the night, because he can’t hold it anymore. And then today I came home, and it was just strung through my entire house.

I only left him for 20 minutes, but it was long enough apparently. Every walking path had a string of zig zag pea which tells me that he just couldn’t hold it in. He wasn’t stopping to pea in a corner because he had to go….he was walking around the house in distress as he couldn’t hold it.

Everything in me tells me it’s time to put him down. His hind legs now shake barely able to hold him up. He’s blind in both eyes, due to massive cataracts. And now he’s incontinent. I’m sad for my puppy, as he’s lived a long loyal life.

In the last 14 years with Hershey, he always knew what I was feeling. He was that in tune with me. When I was sad, he always knew and would lay his head in my lap. When I was stressed, he would break out in hives and stress out for me. When I was uncomfortable with anyone my room-mates would bring over, he’d growl or bark at them, which in effect gave them enough motivation to leave and not come back. He was potty trained after one try when I brought him home, at 10 weeks. I have been a very blessed to have such an extra-ordinary dog. This pure bred puppy changed my life.

I was the first human to actually have contact with him. His breeders let Hershey’s parents have interaction with him, but never held him so that he would bond with the first person to own him….me. I was his momma. For people that don’t have pets…they don’t understand the bond between animal and human. They don’t understand the love for one another. He was my baby, until I had my own. Then Hershey patiently and graciously stepped aside to be the step child, as my son was born into my life. He held no resentment, only love for my new baby.

I’ve not given Hershey as much as he needed in the last 5 years, as my son was my primary focus. But I know Hershey has not been neglected. He’s had a loving family, food, and shelter. He’s been taken care of very well. He just didn’t have the emotional ties to me, like he had before my son was around.

BUT I can give him something now…a chance to let go. I don’t want to see him suffer. Whew…so there’s more than a little sadness in my world today, but I know he’ll be going home to see his creator. And in heaven he’ll get to run and jump again with no pain in his hips.
I took this right before loading him up to go to be in doggy heaven. Goodbye friend…I love you.

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My life in a nutshell

Today has been so tiring yet so peaceful at the same time. My husband hasn’t slept since Thursday, as his job has been very demanding and he’s only been home long enough to shower and change clothes…and then go back again.

I can’t sleep, sleep issues aside, when he’s not home. I worry that he’s going to have a heart attack from no rest or food. I get angry that he works so hard. I’m not angry at him, but rather at the person he works for. And then, on top of that my son and I are so connected that when I don’t sleep…it transfers and he doesn’t sleep. So I’m up a few times each night to calm his bad dreams or help him wobbily walk to the bathroom. If I’m solidly sleeping, he doesn’t have those issues.

Today was D-day for a huge event that my husband was in charge of planning and executing, hence the no sleep for the last few nights. My mom came over to pick my son & I up. I asked her to follow me to the rental car place, so I could drop my rental off to Enterprise ($228.00-cha ching-ouch).

Afterwards, I hopped in her car, so we could tote my son to see his daddy down town. My little guy’s not seen his daddy in a few days and we needed to make sure we had some family time, even if it was while at work. We stopped at Braums on the way down there to get my other half’s bun-less burger, as he is allergic to wheat. My son and I ate on the way down there. ($15.00-lunch for three)

Around 12:30 we arrived so that we could deliver my hubbie’s food and go check out all the vendors at the event. Bart Conners had his gym and crew there to entertain the kids. We got there just late enough to miss Bart…:( But my son still got to run through their gymnastics course. He walked across the low beam, jumped on the spring board, walked on his hands and feet across the low parallel bars, and rolled down the angeled pads to land on the mats. He’s such a talker and told all the girls how easy it all was and asked so many questions.

Usually when kids get done with their course, they have them stand on stage to get applauded before handing them a certificate. It’s very empowering for those kids and exciting to see.

Well with my boy, instead of announcing he’d finished for everyone to simply applaud…they interviewed him for about 10 minutes. The entire place came around to see it, and he had everyone smiling. When asked what was the hardest, he answered, “Well actually….it all was pretty easy but if I had to pick one…the beam was not so hard but not so easy. It was in the middle!” That got a huge laugh.

The laughter drew a crowd. I felt like such a stage mom. I was beaming! He’s such a natural entertainer. A couple of years ago, on his 3rd birthday, he got to stand on stage in front of a huge crowd as Sesame Street Live. He had no apprehension about introducing the show with his dad. He has no fear of being on stage. He’s just like my hubbie and me, at ease in that type of position.

Today although stressed and tired, it was good to see my son so happy. Plus I got to rock climb and kick my hubbie’s butt! I got all the way to the top, and it had been ten years since I’d done any rock climbing. It was hard but good to stretch and let some of my stress out. It was a good outlet.

My mom dropped me off at my dealership, to pick up my car (post accident). It was all fixed, shiny, and like brand new. The inside had been detailed and it felt so good to drive it again. I missed my car.

On a sad note, I may have to put my dog down on Monday. He’s at the vet this weekend. I basically was told that if if were up to the vet, he’d make the call to put him to sleep. I’m supposed to take the weekend to think about it and call him Monday to give him my decision.

I think my heart is really heavy. 15 years of my life have been with my little Hershey. My son is sad and I hate to put him through this, as I want to protect him from feeling like I do.

Today, I have peace just to have seen my husband and son have some time together. They both needed it. I needed to be with both of them. I have peace in my heart, seeing the joy in my son’s eyes as he was in his element on stage. I have peace as I got some quality time with my mom, who I love so much.

This post is all over the place and I apologize. I just needed to get some things out. I know I’m so blessed, but today I am really really tired and sad.

I need for my husband to rejuvenate and find peace in his sitaution with work. I need for my doggie to be okay. I need my rental bill to be taken care of by the kid who wrecked my car’s insurance company. I need some sleep.

Thanks for reading, if you got this far. I hope you all can find peace in whatever situation you’re in today. With whatever you’re dealing with, whether it’s directly a part of your world or caused by someone else’s situation…I pray you’re able to find peace.

animals, care taking, cats, chocolate lab, family, family bonds, favorites, friendship, gratitude, guardian angel, health, life, love, medical, nostalgia

When is it time to let go??

In the last 6 months my dog has become very geriatric. His weight has gone from 110 to the low 80’s. Keep in mind this is a Chocolate Labrador of 14 years. He’s been with me since he was 10 weeks old.
hershey
Not too long after a heartbreak, at the tail end of college, my dad bought Hershey for me. Hershey helped me through a really rough time in life. He was not just any dog either. He was in ‘tune’ with me.

When I got sick…so did Hershey. When I was stressed, Hershey got hot spots and started scratching. When I was sad, he would instinctively know to come lay his head on my lap and nudge my arms around his neck. It was the best therapy a girl could get!

When my roomate’s cat had unexpected kittens, it was Hershey who would lick them and love them. A male 90ish pound dog nurturing new born kittens was the sweetest thing I’d ever seen. He’d nudge their little behinds to help them walk, and put his paws on either side of their path to keep them in a straight line. Hershey was and is an amazing animal.

My second roomate came along, and had some undesirable company over once. I say once because my then 100 pound lap dog leaped at this undesirable’s throat with his teeth gnashing–before this guy could even step two feet in our front door. This person never darkened my door way again.

Hershey was the center of my world for so long, and was my measuring stick on who was good and who was not! I knew my husband was a good man, when Hershey couldn’t get enough attention from him. Hershey had found a new love when my husband started coming around.

After my son was born, I obviously shifted most of my attention to this brand new baby in our lives. I didn’t forget Hershey, but if truth were to be told…I feel I neglected him a little bit. I didn’t do it purposely as I still hold so much love for him in my heart, but when a new mom is so sleep deprived she can’t stand up straight…it’s hard to focus on anything else than what is right in front of you.

A few months ago, my vet told me it wouldn’t be long before Hershey gets too far along to live comfortably. He told me I should consider when I would want to let him go. I’m tearing up right now even thinking about it. He’s been a big part of my life, and I can’t imagine my life with out him. But I’ve seen such a change in him even in the last 2 months, and don’t want to put my own feelings over his well being either.

His ears are still so silky smooth, as how the rest of his fur used to be..but now he’s got hard course fur that’s not really growing back in. Some of his fur is peeling off and not growing back. He’s getting as blind as a bat, and I’ve had to direct him in the dark on how to get out to the back yard. He’s run into a few porch cover posts trying to go pee. Most of all, he either pants non stop or is completely subdued…neither activities are normal behavior.

I want him to be comfortable in his last year(s), and when I see that he’s still able to jog back to the back door after doing his ‘business’, I feel that he’s still OK! I know the humane thing is to let him go if he needs to be put to sleep, but I just don’t think that time is now. I don’t know when it would be time, and pray I don’t have to make that decision!

animals, appreciation, blessings, care taking, child birth, chocolate lab, faith, family, family bonds, gratitude, guardian angel, life, love, miracles, missing, motherhood, Oklahoma, prayer, relationships, sleep, son, storms, thoughts, Uncategorized

Hershey’s Big Adventure

Thank the Lord for His continued blessings. My husband was out until after 1 a.m. this morning, putting up 13 huge signs and scavenging the entire area with a flash light. I had to force him to come home and get some rest.

I just kept praying, “Lord please give Hershey’s guardian angel strength, so they he might lead our doggie home. I know he’s probably crashed in someone’s hallway some where, snoring, while I’m here worrying. So I give it over to you and I know you’ll take good care of Hershey.” I let go of it after mid night and tried calling my adorable and worried better half, to give him the same peace I felt. About an hour later, we both we in bed ready for the phone to start ringing the next day.

My son whimpered through his sleep, obviously upset from the whole ordeal. And I kept praying in my sleep, “Lord if you could please hold off on the rain until Hershey’s home, so that all those signs wouldn’t get wet…and the ink wouldn’t run.”

At 6:40 a.m. our phone rang for the first time, and we both bolted out of our sleep. My husband grabbed for his cell and his side of the conversation was music to my ears. Our old dog, wandered into a neighbor’s garage a block and a half away, where he stayed the night. They offered to bring him home to us.

We jumped up and started getting our shoes on, as the phone rang a second time. Another neighbor saw a sign and said she had a Hershey sighting on her street as well. She told us she played ball with him for a few minutes. She said he was too sweet not to have an owner who was looking for him, so she told us she said a prayer for him and his safe return home. What a sweet feeling that was to hear her comforting words. As he was on the phone with the second neighbor, I heard my son, through the monitor, giggling in his sleep. It was as if he sense the sigh of relief we were feeling.

Many of my blog friends gave me comforting words, so thank you to all of you who responded so kindly. One sent me the sweetest message:

“Awe…bless your sweet little heart…You are not absurd at all..I have a 7lb Yorkiepoo that drives me nuts, but is my little loyal buddy and I would just be devasted if he went missing! He is so little that from time to time he slips out of the slats in my fence and everytime I find him out front, my heart does a flip flop..

I will lift your buddy up in prayer right now!

Father, we come to you with what would seem the smallest of request to many.. Hersey has wandered from home Lord and his owner is heartbroken…Lord guide his steps and bring him home safely to his family. We know Lord that what seems silly to most you count as all important because its close to our hearts. You know how many hairs are on our head, every detail. So we know Lord that you can return him, no problem.

We thank you Lord for caring for everything that brings us joy and happiness and we come to you believing in results very soon…We pray this in your son Jesus’ name! Amen.

Sweety…He will be back..get some sleep and you will see!

Keep us posted!”

Hershey is happily home and exhausted from his big adventure. He’s out cold in our hallway, sleeping peacefully. My son hugged him so tightly when he woke up. All is good in our home. Thank you Jesus for bringing our family pet home safe and with speed.

Thank you to all of you who lifted him up in prayer. I know losing a pet is nothing like the loss that thousands of families feel, when they lose a child. So I don’t even try to compare them…because it’s not. I have a little boy and it would be ten times worse. This just proved to me how much of a basket case I would be if anything happened to my baby. Thankfully it was just my beloved pet, and all of us are home safe.

PS…it just now started to thunder.  The rain held off just long enough.

animals, chocolate lab, help, missing, Oklahoma, prayer, relationships, sleeplessness, son

My dog is missing!

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I write this in utter sadness. My side kick, the one thing I could always count on….is missing! My 13 year old chocolate lab, Hershey, was let out of my yard tonight after I left home.

6:00 CST or any time after, someone opened our gate and let out my loyal companion. Here it is almost mid night and he’s not anywhere to be found. Hershey is obviously very old, but can’t get half a block without panting and straining. He usually has to turn back home, because he is too tired to go any further.

Currently his fur is shaved short for the summer. So he looks like a grey hound with brown fur, instead of a chocolate lab. He would never make it past my nieghbor’s house with out turning back for my porch. He would NEVER not come home.  He also needs his medication or he will get really sick.

We drove three neighborhoods, and I saw no signs of any animals in the road. No one claimed to see him. We called for hours with no response. It’s like someone opened our gate and …. took him.

My son learned his first lesson in sadness and fear tonight. He’d never seen him mommy sob. I really tried to fake it….you know….tell him that Hershey went to the neighbor’s for a sleep over. But I couldn’t hold it in very well. My son kept wiping my face with a towel to catch my tears.

Hershey is the most sensitive animal you’ve ever met. When I was sick, he broke out in hot spots. He was truly empathetic to anything I went through. When I was stressed or heart broken, he’d simply lay his head in my lap and lick my face when I cried.

I am scared that something bad has happened. My husband just made 13 poster signs to nail to all the street lights with in a mile’s radius. Tomorrow I will call the pound, and check with the local vets.

I know with all the children that go missing, that this post is absolutely absurd. But he was and is my best friend, and I’m scared. Please pray for my dog, that he returns safely home.