life, relationships, thoughts

How do you?

How do you deal with someone who’s never happy?

How do you reassure someone who constantly is focusing on the same issues, imagined or not?

How do you do it when you’re the one who has to be ‘up’ all the time, and if you’re not than the ‘downs’ of the other person go out of whack?

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6 thoughts on “How do you?”

  1. Ah the Loyalty Leader JUST answered this question yesterday in her newsletter.

    Don’t Let Moody Co-workers Ruin Your Day
    By Debra J. Schmidt

    You know who they are. The co-workers I call “barometer reading” people. Each morning when you arrive at work, you need to take a “barometer reading” to measure your toxic co-worker’s mood of the day. Sometimes you are measuring their mood of the hour. More often than not, these people are unpleasant to be around and they create a great deal of stress for the people who have to work with them. Their unpredictable moods can profoundly impact the way you feel about your job. They are pros at making other people miserable.

    It’s easy to recognize the signs that a negative co-worker is getting to you. You dread coming into work in the morning. You find ways to avoid walking past your co-worker’s desk or office. You routinely complain about that person to others. You feel on edge at work and experience physical symptoms such as stomach problems or headaches.

    If a co-worker’s mood swings are ruining your days, it’s time to take back your power. Negative co-workers use their moods as a way to manipulate others. When you react to their moods, you are giving away your power and letting other individuals control how you choose to feel. That’s right. The way you respond to these people is a choice you make.

    Here are some ways you can very quickly strip these moody, manipulative people of their power by choosing not to respond to their nonsense:

    Try to gain an understanding of the people who ruin your days.

    When co-workers are consistently moody, it’s often because something else is going on in their lives. Be assertive and try a direct approach by saying, “I’ve noticed that your moods are very unpredictable and you often seem unhappy at work. Is there anything I can do to help?” You may learn that they are experiencing difficultie! s at hom e with their spouse or children. Perhaps they are dealing with serious health issues. They may be caregivers for ailing parents and they are simply exhausted when they come to work. Showing empathy toward these individuals and letting them know someone cares, may shift their moods.

    Smile and walk away.

    Choose not to be a sounding board for your co-worker’s complaints. When a negative co-worker starts complaining to you about that new project, the boss or other employees, smile warmly and politely say, “Excuse me.” Then, walk away or pick up the phone if you are at your desk.

    Don’t vent your problems to others.

    If you have a problem with a co-worker, don’t complain to others. Although it takes a little courage, you need to be assertive and go directly to the person with whom you have a problem. State very clearly the behaviors that you not willing to tolerate. Avoid using blaming language such as, “You make me feel bad when you act like that.” Instead say, “I will be happy to assist you when you speak to me in a kind and respectful tone.”

    Also, avoid the use of over-generalizations such as always and never. Your co-worker will get defensive if you say, “You are always in a bad mood in the mornings.” Instead, focus on specifics, “When you arrive in a bad mood, I find it difficult to be supportive of you or your work.”

    Stop taking it personally. Don’t let other people’s behavior determine how you feel.

    Don’t worry about whether or not the moody person likes you. Stop trying to win him or her over. The sooner you demonstrate that you could care less about what this co-worker thinks of you, the sooner he or she will stop making you miserable. It’s important to understand that difficult people get their power by watching other people react to their negativity. If there is no reacti! on or be t ter yet, a reaction that is the opposite of what they expected, they will probably give up. I’ve found that sometimes the best way to deal with these people is to simply pretend they don’t exist. If they say something to me that is rude or negative, I ignore what was said and continue with my work.

    Concentrate on maintaining a positive attitude.

    The best way to stop letting moody co-workers ruin your day is to take care of yourself. Focus your energy and attention on the positive people in your workplace. Always be kind a polite to the negative people, but keep your interactions brief and business-oriented. Give them a chance each day to change their ways by greeting them warmly. But if your warmth is not reciprocated, shrug it off and forget about it.

    Link to Deb’s website The Loyalty Leader”
    http://newsletter.theloyaltyleader.com/index.iml?mdl=articles.mdl&Issue_ID=3375#cat442

    and to keep with copywrite guidelines….
    Debra J. Schmidt is known as the Loyalty Leader®. She is an author, consultant, trainer and professional speaker who helps companies boost profits by leading the way to greater customer and employee loyalty. Subscribe to her free online newsletter at: http://www.LoyaltyLeader.com

    I do recommend subscribing. I enjoy the free email newsletter tips.

  2. Hmmm… I don’t know. I think in my life I have been on both sides of this coin. I know from being the “downer” person that it helps to see someone else in the same roll. It gives perspective and helps make you want to stop being that person. I also know how frustrating it is to be the positive one and feel like no matter what you say or do it makes no difference. And I also know what a profound impact someone like you can have on the perspective of the down person. Because you have so positively affected me in that respect.

  3. Thanks so much for your comments guys. I’m checking that website out wfbdoglover. Terri I thank you … wish I could do that on a more local scale some days. Tall T … care to mail me that stick? 🙂

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