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Friday Vent with some Blessings

Usually I list a bunch of blessings bestowed for the week on Fridays, and though I have a lot that has happened that have been wonderful blessings…yesterday overshadowed most of them. So I’m sorry to disappoint those that tune in for this. IF you want to skip the vent…there are blessings at the end!

Someone very close to me reacted in a manner that I felt very disrespectful, and put my son in a compromising position. When a mother asks that certain things take place in the care of her child, it is disrespectful to ignore this.

*I’m thankful that my son stayed safe on a joyride in someone’s lap through neighborhood streets with no seatbelt. A five year old in someone’s lap, with an air bag inches away from his face, is not something that is to be overlooked because it was fun for him. To make it worse…my son’s car seat was in the backseat and this person ignored it and took him for a spin.

* When I picked him up last night, my son whispered with the biggest smile on his face, “We broke the law today, but it’s okay. I rode in his lap…with no seat belt to the school and back.” I’m thankful my son had the heart to tell me after being told, “Don’t tell your mom about this.” Two things happened here: A) My son was taught a lesson that it’s okay to break the rules that his mom sets in place. B) He learned that it’s okay to ignore and break the law when it’s harmless fun.

(side note) if you have to tell a young child…Don’t tell your mom about this…..than it’s probably something you shouldn’t do to begin with because you know you’re doing something in error. Thank the Lord my son told me so that we could talk about how he should never be in that position again.

It would be one thing to take him in a old truck in the fields at a farm and drive around with him, but it’s entirely different to ride on the streets with other cars and an air bag inches away that could have deployed if there were an accident. I know this person is a careful driver, but there’s no sense in risking it!!!

When I tried to have a conversation about this, the person who took my son on his joy ride exploded and shut me down. He wouldn’t listen and put his hand up. I was told that I was attacking him and was not allowed to talk to him. I didn’t raise my voice, as I know this person has a horrible temper. I tried avoiding a fight, but this person doesn’t know how to talk without a fight. He is too proud to ever admit he had any wrong doing.ย  Having a calm normal conversation is not an option with this person. He turned it around pretty quickly that I was the one in error for attacking him.

As a mother, I owe it to my son to protect him in any way I choose. The fact that he was not protected aside, the way I was treated as a person blew me away. After trying to have a calm conversation, which was obviously not going to take place, I chose to get my son out of the heated room.

I grew up listening to anger and loud voices, so I purposely do NOT raise my voice in anger because I never want my son to grow up feeling the way I did…insecure and sad. After walking out…I heard a curse word fly out of his mouth that I pray my son didn’t hear.

My son will get enough bad outward influences from his peers, he doesn’t need to be taught these lessons from a family member!! Afterwards I got an apology for the level of this person’s voice…but what I really wanted was respect as a mother.

BOTTOM LINE: If you’re doing something that you know I won’t approve of with my son, harmless or not, I have a right to have a conversation with you about it. I was dismissed and attacked for trying to do so. I forgive this person as I love them, but I’m sad today that this person doesn’t have it in them to ever admit their part in any of this. To this person, I was just being a dramatic woman and made too much of something that wasn’t.

P.S. This person taught my son not to OWN up for his own actions and that’s inexusable! It’s not okay. This came two days after this person told my son that the behavior he displayed was stupid. Now my son thinks he’s dumb as a rock. This person denies this…but I heard it. He stated, “I never said he was stupid –his actions were because he wasn’t behaving.” Well to a five year old…all they’re going to hear is stupid and it will apply to them as a person. They’re not logical enough to know the difference. Thanks for teaching my son that lesson too.

Blessings for the week:

I got paid three paychecks…thank you LORD….I can finally pay some bills.

My son scored a goal in his soccer game…he was aggressive and had so much fun.

My husband’s heart is so tender and I’m a blessed woman. Even with all the stress he’s under right now, he is still looking to the LORD and I know he’ll be blessed soon with some doors that he can use as an exit from the stress.

My sister got a new car after totaling her 4 month old one, and now her payments are 5 dollars lower.

My mom cooked for me this week and we are low on food…praise God.

Today is Friday and I’m needing a vacation! Thank you for Friday’s Lord!

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40 thoughts on “Friday Vent with some Blessings”

  1. Whoever this person is, I certainly would not allow him to watch over my child again. He obviously is NOT instilling the values you strive to instill. Putting a young child in the front seat? On his lap? With no seatbelt? And telling him to lie about it? To his mother? The only good that came from the situation was that your son trusted you enough to tell you and that he wasn’t hurt.

    I’d not allow this person to care for the child again by himself (even if it’s a grandparent). I’d also explain to the child that the choices this grown-up made were wrong. Your son should know that grown-ups sometimes do make bad choices, too – even grown-ups he might love. I’d give your son lots of praise for telling you – he obviously knew the RIGHT thing to do!

  2. ooooooOOO… I am so mad for you! That whole situation was so wrong. I’m with Debbie I would think twice before leaving my child with that person again. Good for your son for coming to you with the truth.

  3. I have had similar experiences with people who have cared for my kids. You handled this great! That person’s goal was to beat you down and make you question your motives, but you didn’t let him do that. You intimidated him by calling him out on his poor choice. He knew he made a poor choice and his reaction was designed to make you think you were in the wrong. You weren’t!

  4. Thanks ladies. I am blessed that my son wanted to let me know what happened. He made the right choice in coming to me.
    Today I just keep playing over that scene in the news where Britney Spears drove with her baby in her lap. That was one of the last straws before her kids were taken away from her. HELLO!

  5. I’ve had to deal with family members who haven’t respected my wishes, and have received similar responses. I chose not to let those members ever be alone with my children again. It has caused some stresses in the family, but I was given the responsibility for raising my children as a stewardship from the Lord. I have His blessing to instill in my kids the values He wants – not the values of misguided family.

    Just my 2 cents…I’ve even discussed it in Christian counseling and the counselor backed me 100%. ๐Ÿ˜‰ She also told me to redeem the experience by teaching my children how we don’t act and why. I was afraid that would be “running my family down.” She explained it could be done gently, after I’ve cooled down from the experience.

    So, my word of encouragement – you had every right to speak up for your son’s sake with your Lord’s blessing. ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. Bless your heart & your son’s too. I’m sorry he was put in this type of dangerous situation as well. There is no excuse.
    On a good note, this person displayed wrong behaviors to your son, but your son already knows what’s right & wrong from what he’s seen you and your husband live by example as well as the way you handled the situation. Imagine the poor babies who’ll never have a Mom like you.
    I know that as this person looks back, he understands clearly that he was wrong to take your son out like that and that he used poor judgment though he may never admit it. That’s embarrassing so he’s lashing back. People like that always turn it back on you; it takes the spotlight off themselves. Inside they know they’re wrong. It’s a defense mechanism.You may never get an apology. I’ve had a person very close to myself that behaved angrily on a daily basis, so I’m really familiar with it. It’s sad that the lines of mature communication are closed, but the Lord can open those doors.
    Last year, I left my son with my mom and she was supposed to take him over to my brother & sister in law’s house for a few hours (they have no kids). His wife wasn’t home so I asked her to tell him NOT to drive him anywhere as he’s a notoriously dangerous driver. Somehow it didn’t get communicated and they took a drive. Not only was Bubby too young to sit in the front seat, this lady nearly cut my brother off and he flew into a huge rage! My brother, who’s a huge hulk of a man, started yelling and swearing to beat the band, even using the “F” word, followed by driving at high speeds to catch up to the woman – road rage is what it was. My poor Bubby was scared to DEATH. He has sensory issues (underdeveloped nervous system) to begin with so this was way out there for him. He’d never seen his uncle behave that way. We never cuss in our home nor watch movies with bad language and he hadn’t hit middle school yet so that kind of thing was completely foreign to him. First thing he told Bubby? “Don’t tell your mom, okay?”. Of course he did tell. I was furious. I let my mom talk to him because I was too mad at the time. He played it down of course. He knew he was wrong. I know now that though I love my brother dearly, he simply cannot ever be trusted with my treasures. Ever. I say he should be thankful you didn’t slap him! *L* Seriously, you did the right thing. Sometimes the truth hurts and when it does, we still have to stand our ground, speak it in love, forgive and walk away, leaving it in the Lord’s hands.

  7. You know…I don’t have any children (yet), but I do know that I am going to fierce about protecting them because of some of the things that have happened in my family.

    There are times I am convinced that only parents understand what their children are truly worth.

  8. I read your post with such disbelief – not that the incident happened – we are all capable of incredibly stupid things – but that this person tried to cover it up, and enlisted your son to help him do so! No, no and no!

    And then to double it up by trying to turn it around and make it YOUR fault? No, this person knows now and knew then that this was a wrong thing to do, and did it anyway.

    You handled this with much grace, and you tried to keep it civil. Since an apology and a repentant attitude are not forthcoming, I don’t think I’d let that person care for your son again…he knows full well that two wrongs don’t make a right, and adding a few more into the mix still won’t change it.

    You can be very proud of your son – you’ve taught him well that he has the trust in you that he can bring anything to you, regardless of “shhh, shhh, secret, secret” messages others may give him. Extra hugs for him, and a huge pat on the back for you. And do not beat yourself up over it, you are in the right, and this person is in the wrong. Period.

    Sorry – didn’t mean to rant on -but this touched a nerve!
    Trish

  9. Whoa! That is just crazy doings! uuuhhh – im a little speechless here.

    ๐Ÿ˜ฏ

    3 paychecks??!!?!?

    Hey Sis, can I have 5 bucks??? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I love how God provides…EVERYTHING! Every need. When we need it.

  10. Trish, no worries. I’m thinking that it would touch a nerve in most parents. It does for me too. How could it not??
    Another think I didn’t mention above is that one of the reasons He wouldn’t stoop to ‘listening’ to me is that I’m just girl. Women aren’t ranked too high in his eyes…it stems from a bad relationship with his mother. And I get that about him…but I don’t want that same behavior rubbing off on my son.

    Tam, 5 bucks is on it’s way! ๐Ÿ™‚

  11. So not only is this person irresponsible with other people’s children but he’s a sexist pig too! I’m sorry that the situation even came up. I agree with some of the others…Maybe this person shouldn’t be allowed to watch your little man anymore. That’s totally outrageous!

    But on a happy note: I’m glad that things are going good for you guys! Three paychecks! I’m jealous!

  12. Recently a youth pastor, full-time, had a large church bus and thought it was “okay” to travel 80 to 85 mph with a bus loaded with kids. Fortunately, no incident occurred. He is now looking for another job.

    My blood is boiling, when you are responsible for the care of other peoples lives, you don’t screw around with that. If mama would have had that kind of confrontation later about the incident – Papa would have been up in his face! No one gets in mama’s face when she is right! It would have been resolved to my satisfaction. I would get others such as my pastor or someone involved and get this resolved. Period!!!

  13. See this as a blessing, you now know NOT to have your son near this relative, and what you have instilled in him is far greater than a joy ride on a lap.
    This person will not try anything with you in the future, you have made your stand and you will not be shaken.
    Have a restful weekend in the Lord.
    Yvette, your blog friend!

  14. This person has a big heart and is trying to be a better man, but once in a while will slip into old behavior such as in this post.

    I’ve already told my full-time caretaker NOT to leave my son alone with this person…PERIOD. Even if it means calling me home from work to bring him with me.

  15. Nothing is more sad than friends or family members who try to undermine the values and behaviors a parent is trying to teach their child. It confuses a child about the mixed messages they are receiving from adults they know and love. I am so proud of your son for telling you about this incident. Any time a child hears “don’t tell your parent”, there is cause for worry. I agree with everyone above that time you son spends alone with this family member should be limited. It was nice to see you still finding blessings to count at the end of your post. There always are some, even if somedays we have to dig thru a little rubble to find them. Great post!

  16. Heck, I’d give Tam AND Brent 5 bucks to spend an evening just talking! ๐Ÿ™‚ What a conversation THAT would be! ๐Ÿ˜‰

  17. Ooooooo I would have been FUMING!!!!! The great thing about being the mom is that I get to pick what I want others to do with/for my kids. Because I’m the mom. Even if they think I’m stupid. I’m the mom, not them. My neighbor buried her 11 yr old son 8 years ago because a close family friend snuck behind mom’s back and let the boy drive an ATV. Yeah–get honkin’ mad as you want. I have no basis for this but I don’t think protective momma anger should be classified as sin :).

    So anyway, good for you and your son that he was able to tell you regardless of “don’t tell mom”. That’s creepy. I’m starting to tell my kids that secrets aren’t allowed. If anyone tells them “don’t tell” it means something is wrong and they can come to me for help. We’ll sift through what’s tattling and what’s not later. Like your blog BTW.

  18. Hi! I’m here from the Anthill.
    This infuriates me, and you are totally right in not allowing this person to take care of your son. I don’t appreciate when other people–ANYONE other than myself or my husband–feel like they can make decisions that may put our kids’ lives in danger without consulting us.

    When my older son was 8, he went to a friend’s home to spend the night in the next town over. The (single) mom left the two 8-year-olds at home ALONE while she went out to pick up their pizza (Hello? DELIVERY?) and was gone for more than 30-35 minutes. Although that might be fine for some people, she never gave me the choice and I had to hear about it later. Argghhh!

  19. Oh Mama bear say it wasn’t so!! I am just shocked that people do this scatter brain things with children and this wasn’t even his OWN child. You know thank the Lord for angels because your son had them extra that day!

    My SIL is NOT allowed to be around my son unless ONLY my husband or I are present. I fear more for my son’s mental safety then physical but the way she treats him the physical could be close behind. We are talking my husband told her to get out of our house because she was verbally attacking my 5 year son.
    Sadly I forgot and thinking my mom could handle her and my son I ran out with my dad and SIL STILL attacked him verbally. Man I still feel like I failed my son for letting him be exposed to that and it was last Sunday, sigh…

  20. I don’t think you are overreacting in your concern for your son’s safety, but the delivery of that concern may have been “over the top.” Did you use “I-Statements”? No matter who is right, people are always on the defensive when they feel attacked, and they dig in their heels. It sounds like he felt attacked (whether you attacked him or not), and that’s what you have to deal with. I would suggest that in the future (since you already know this person is unreasonable) you do not confront him about anything in front of your son.

    You will probably never agree on this subject, so you’ll have to drive him to school yourself now. I’m more concerned about the fact that this person feels comfortable saying, “Don’t tell your mom.” Lord knows what else he’s said this about. I hate it when people force kids to be disloyal towards people they love (it makes them feel guilty). Good luck with this…

  21. Gosh that is scary!! Gives me a sick feeling just thinking about it. You were totally in the right, and there is absolutely no excuse for what happened. Way to stick to your guns girl!!

  22. You said what you felt, and that is never wrong. We can’t go through life holding back our feelings and walking on eggshells to keep everyone happy, but we can deliver our message without extra emotion or anger. You sound like a great Mom.

  23. Your son is wiser than his years for realizing he broke the law and was doing something he should not be doing. He also is brave to come and tell you that he did wrong instead of covering it up, or worse, denying it like the “adult” in the incident. As he gets older, wiser, and braver, he will be able to say “no” having learned his lessons at such a young age. You are doing a great job in raising your son. Keep it up and take care.

  24. Thanks for all your supportive comments. I appreciate knowing where you all stand as well.

    Half-Past Kissin’ Time I totally get what you’re saying, as I’ve been very careful in how I approached this person. I’ve known him my whole life and know not to ever point the finger at him. That’s what makes this even more amazing, is that I started with an apology to him for being upset to try to calm him.

    I asked for a converstaion and eye contact, and that’s as far as I got…he blew up and verbally attacked me. I didn’t even get to have a conversation with him. He wouldn’t ‘allow’ it.

    PS…I should clarify. My son wasn’t being driven to his school. He was just in this person’s lap while they ran an errand to a school. It was a pointless risk.

  25. Wow. How hard is it to own up to your actions and say, “Yes, you are right. That was a bad idea. I’m sorry I broke the law with your 5 year-old and put him in danger. It won’t happen again.”

    How hard is that???? Drives me crazy! You handled it well. Had it been me I would have been screaming at the top of my lungs.

  26. I think I know who you’re talking about now, and I can even more appreciate the futility of talking with him. I lived with that guy, too. He has to be forced to see that if he doesn’t “get it,” he’s not going to have the responsibility (or privilege) of interacting with your son. I’ll keep you all in my prayers…

  27. I can really understand this. There is never a time when it’s okay to take a risk with a child. An adult can choose, but a small child looks to the adults to do the right thing by them. I would have done the same as you. I’m sorry this person couldn’t see why you were so upset. And you’re right. It is never okay to tell a child not to tell their parents something.

  28. Stacey…me neither…still shaking my head.
    Half-past Kissin’ time…:) I think we all have had a ‘him’ in our lives. What’s with him anyway?
    Jo…I agree. Taking any risk in the name of harmless fun is not what I would call fun or smart.

  29. 14 years ago, I was born again. I had a 2 year old son. His dad wasn’t interested in marrying me, so I asked him to move out after 8 years of being together. He chose to go, deciding that when I “got God” I “went crazy”. No more parties, no more sex, no more fun for him. The conflict? He watched our son everyday while I went to school. Out of desperation concerning his influence in my sons life that would be completely contrary to what I was now living and believing, I began to pray. My son and I both began to pray. For his salvation. And transformation. And redemption. Speaking my heart wasn’t enough. If he was going to be part of my boy’s life, he needed to HAVE that part of my heart. And the only one that could give it to him was God. It was, after all, God’s heart for my son. Within 6 months of us praying, his dad was born again, and transformation began.
    It’s been 12 years and I can honestly say his dad has never allowed anything in his life that he knew I wouldn’t agree with. If we are willing to ask, God is willing to make a lifetime difference with people who will be connected with your children for a lifetime because of being family…or anyone else we are brave enough to ask for!
    Imagine the difference it would make in that man’s life…..and yours….and your son’s.

  30. Thank you for such a sweet comment. I am so happy that God provided a huge miracle for you and your son. This man, in reference to this post, is saved and is working hard to be a different man…but unfortunately has issues with women. I continue to pray for his heart that God taps on it when anger rears it’s ugly head in this person’s life, b/c when he gets angry it’s like everything else shuts down and the anger wins.

  31. Then I will join with you in your prayers! And with the Spirit of God already inside of him….that makes transformation even easier! Father, give this man Your heart for Your daughters….invade the darkness that blinds him and let Your glory and Your light shatter every lie that has taken root in him! Transform him with Your love….on the inside…as only You are able. Amen!
    blessed1, I also pray that God has your son covered, that not 1 seed of darkness will take root in his heart, his mind or his actions. I speak over him that he is the influencer in this relationship with this man, and not the one influenced!

  32. Kelly you’re so wonderful and insightful! Thank you for your kind spirit and willingness to pray for others. May God bless you with something wonderful today. He’s blessed me with your comment today.

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