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A long road…A new dawning

Being on here awhile now, I get the fun task of listing certain things that are in response to being tagged. Most are quite fun! However this last one is a little brain boggling. My task is to list what obsessive thoughts plague me. I don’t normally focus on these sorts of things…I push any tiny nagging negative to the back of my brain because I like to always think about the upside of life.

However, I never back down from a challenge…at least a reasonable one. So Carolsplaceforpeace…this one’s for you. You gave me this task and I will follow through.

When I was younger, before having a good life, I faced a lot of trauma. Too much trauma for someone that had only lived 20 or so years on the earth. I suffered a lot of pain and mental stress. Through a lot of prayer and hard work on my part, I overcame and survived! I moved on to a healthier me, who didn’t want to focus on the past but move forward. However the past is what made me who I am today.

So I can say, I used to suffer obsessive thoughts on a daily basis. In my teens I obsessed on when I would die. I didn’t think I’d make it past 18. Then once my 18th birthday came and went, God tapped me on the heart and whispered, “See I told you…you’re going to make it. Keep going!”

Once in college, I obsessed over how I was going to make it day to day. The person that caused me a lot of trauma attended the same university I did. He harassed me daily, so I turned to alcohol to get past the pain. I obsessed over how dirty I felt, from the person’s behavior toward me. Again God stayed with me and whispered, “You’re my creation. You’re strong and healthy. You’re perfect and chaste. Keep going…I’m with you…..YOU’RE GOING TO MAKE IT!”

Long story short, I found a great family therapist that helped me peel back the layers of my experiences in life to help me find my core. She helped me remember who I was. God used her in such a way that I knew I was exactly all those things God kept telling me I was. I am a survivor, who doesn’t like to focus on anything but making it happen for me and my family. I will not cow to negative thoughts or anything that wouldn’t give praise to my Lord.

However, at 2 a.m. when I’m groggy or not fully alert….a few of those old thoughts may be triggered from a dream. I have to wake myself up and pray THANKS TO GOD for making me who I am, was, and will be. Thanks to HIM for who He is, was, and will always be.

I probably won’t tag anyone with this, because I would never encourage anyone to focus on anything that wouldn’t be positive. Hey we all know negative or bad things happen…let’s do what we can to overcome them!

I posted this on my other site, but felt it important enought to post here too. Pardon the redundancy for those of you who read both.

3 thoughts on “A long road…A new dawning”

  1. Very touching and an encouraging reminder of God’s power. I’ve often wondered why it is so easy for us to hold on to the bad memories when there is so much more good to hang to. Some would say it is because we are inherently evil, but I don’t know. I mean, yes, we are sinful, but evil? Sounds like a topic for a post!


  2. Thanks for sharing what must have been difficult to share. I too have struggled with obsessive thinking and God has worked long and hard to set me free from those thoughts. Occasionally, the devil tries to bring me back down and I have to pray, pray, pray my way back to God. Thanks also for the comments you’ve been leaving on my blog site. As soon as I figure out how to do what you asked of me (I’m extremely computer ignorant) when you voted what I had to say as thought provoking, I’ll do it. Take care. Love to read your blogs!

  3. thank you for the wonderful comment…I appreciate the feedback from both of you guys. I think it so very important to pray when those things happen….it is the devil’s way of trying to get us all of track. Thank the Lord for prayer and fellowship with other Christians.

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