children, encouragement, family, health, lack of sleep, life, medical, motherhood, random, sleep, sleeplessness, thoughts, women

moms who never sleep…that would be me

The journal post below is from last year’s blog on another site. I am choosing to post it again due to sleep issues that plague a lot of women out there. I am still fighting insomnia, but due to the miracle of LUNESTA my body has trained itself a little better to get some sleep. I no longer rely on any meds to help me. I only took the sleep medication for about 6 months, to help my body remember what it was like to sleep. Isn’t that sad? My body had forgotten what it was like to sleep!

After the below journal entry I had some serious health problems that were effecting me due to bottome line….lack of sleep. The ER doctor told me to get some rest, but as a working mom…I didn’t have much choice in my schedule. I decided to go to a sleep center to get some help. I was diagnosed with 3 sleep disorders, insomnia being one of them.

The sleep center helped tremendously. Although I sleep better now, I am still up a few times a night — due to child issues. (bad dreams, sickness, or bathroom duty) Although he’s a big boy and has been potty trained since he was 2, he still can’t shoot into the toilet in the dark. He calls for me to come walk him to the bathroom. I know one of these days I will have a full night’s sleep. I certainly hope!

I just wanted all you mom’s out there to know that it does get better. There is light at the end of the tunnel. For me it’s still a dim light, but I’m keeping my eye on it.

Journal from December ’05:

I know a lot of mom’s out there say they have sleep issues, but until they’ve walked a few nights in my shoes I wonder if they really know what sleep depravity is really like. Even when my son finally sleeps through the night, my mind still races keeping me from taking advantage of his sleep success. It seems my son will finally start a consistant deep sleep for a week or so and I think, “Finally this is it!” He’s sleeping well, which means more sleep for mommy! Not the case!

In essence, my brain never shuts down, so I never really get to experience the full REM cycle. Due to a few sleep disorders and family genetics, my body is constantly awake. Fun for me!

Undoubtably, my son and I are connected due to the birth process and the fact that we’re both a little extra sensorory….but I swear when I don’t sleep he senses it and wakes up too. 2:30 a.m. seems to be when I wake the most. My son’s monitor is by my bed, and whether I’m lightly sleeping or by some miracle getting the deepest sleep for me that I can get–I can always hear his rhythmic sound breathing. The instant my brain gets really going and can’t shut down (2:30 a.m.) is when my son will start to toss and turn and threaten to wake up. It’s like my brain is sending a message to his, “Hey little guy–I can’t sleep….wake up too and join the fun!” It never fails!!! I am afraid I’ve cursed him with my sleep problems. Poor kid!

I think one of the hardest parts is to function like a normal human being during the day without appearing like a blathering idiot. When you’ve not slept, your memory goes and so do your verbal skills. Working full time is a challenge and in the job I have you have to be on top your game at all times to keep from screwing it up too much. I am amazed that I have been able to do as well as I have in my career with little or no sleep for over 3 years.

Christmas Day I was so chipper and excited. Not just because of the day, but because by some miracle I had gotten really good sleep for the couple of days prior. I felt like my old self…..I was social and happy to be around others. When I have had no sleep I am not very fun to be around. All my family members, on Christmas, kept asking me why I was so happy. “Man Kim, you’re hyper. What’s going on?” is what both sides of the family kept asking. It kinda made me sad, becuase that’s really who I am, but due to lack of sleep I am too tired to make an effort most days.

Here’s to getting sleep this year….Happy New Year!


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