Every child is a blessing. A gift God bestows upon us to shape into a responsible adult. A child to protect, love, and provide for. That child is helpless without us. I know every loving mom out there, doesn’t know how she got by before having kids. Personally for me, I can’t imagine my life without my child and possible future children-if that’s God’s will.
My husband and I tried for only a short year to have children, before we went to a fertility specialist. We just wanted to be proactive — to see if we were both capable of bearing children. We were both young and healthy, and I never imagined I’d recieve the most horrible news a female could have dropped in her lap. After running a few tests, the top fertility specialist in the state told us that between the my husband and me—we would most likely never conceive on our own. He laid out some fertility solutions, and followed up with, “Even with treatment, chances would be slim that you would conceive.” Wow, talk about black and white. It’s not that I don’t love my doctor, but he didn’t deliver the news with any heart. He just laid it out there.
I left so heavy hearted and couldn’t believe how incomplete I felt. I couldn’t have children? What kind of woman was I anyway?
My tenderhearted man, putting my needs before his, laid his hand on my leg in our car. He turned to me, putting his own emotions aside, and simply said, “Don’t worry. This is the last mother’s day you’re going to spend alone.” That was in May and Mothers Day was a week away.
A few weeks after getting past the initial shock of my own fertility issues, a friend called to tell me she was pregnant. It just didn’t seem fair! All I could respond with was tears and sobbed in the phone. I am sure she was less than enthused at my response. To this day, we don’t talk anymore. Even after many efforts on my part to reach out to her. I don’t blame her. I was being selfish. When I should have had enthusiasm for her and her husband, I cried my heart out. I didn’t mean to…it was involuntary. My logical side wasn’t winning that battle…my emotional side was.
That night after her news, I pulled my Bible out. It hadn’t been read in awhile. I just happened to open it up to the story of Sarah. It was like God was picking out that exact scripture for me. He was speaking to my heart. I closed my eyes, and prayed hard. Although I had been torn, I had hope and prayed, “Dear God, if you can get a 90 year old ‘barren’ woman pregnant. You can surely get a healthy 30 year old woman pregnant.” I gave him my faith and my future.
Within weeks of this prayer, we found we were expecting. We made a doctor’s appt at my general practician’s office to get a blood test, after trying a home pregnancy test that showed positive. I didn’t want to make an appt with the doctor, who told us we weren’t able to conceive, until I was absolutely sure. That initial doctor’s appointment happened to fall on our wedding anniversary. Looking back, it was another sign of God’s love. He chose our anniversary to confirm our pregnancy.
I couldn’t wait to set up my first appt at the OBGYN. When we told our ‘fertility specialist’ that we were pregnant…his jaw dropped wide open. He asked incrediuously, “How?”
I responded that God had the last word!!