counseling, encouragement, family, family bonds, health, life, prayer, random, surviving, thoughts

hiding from your hurt

My last post was not very uplifting, as I promised this page would be. I apologize for that, but also feel that even the most positive thinkers have the right to get upset from time to time. I’m one of those that take a long time to ruffle, but when it happens stand back and let me go. I recover pretty quickly.

My mother once told me that in the 6th grade, when we we’re living in Alabama, I came home really upset and with a broken heart. My boyfriend of the month (I’ll never forget him–I thought I was in love), broke up with me. I flew in from the bus stop crying, told her I didn’t want to talk to anyone, and ran into my walk-in closet to cry. After about 30 minutes, I slowly opened the door to an apprehensive mother and told her I was okay and it was over. She said that was a picture of who I was. A survivor, who bounced back really fast. Did I really though?

Throughout life, we all face curve balls. Some we catch and throw back. Some totally catch us by surprise and it takes a little while to recover. And…some we don’t even see coming…they hit us hard! I, too, have had a few of all. As a survivor of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), I am glad I’ve had a strong support system to get through the worst of what life has to offer.

I was what most therapists would call a ‘stuffer’. I kept all my feelings inside. I was going to be okay — no matter what. I threw myself in that closet in my head, and shoved all my emotions down. What people couldn’t see…they couldn’t ask about. Right?

After a pretty emotional time in my sister’s life, my emotional flood gates flew open. I couldn’t put a band-aid on my hurts anymore. In classic form, it took her divorce to make me face my problems. I realized I needed help and didn’t know how to handle all the emotions throwing themselves up in my face.

They say that those that have PTSD don’t even know it. They walk around in life, with normal pretenses and then one day something happens around them that makes them break. For example, a survivor of the OKC bombing thought he had recovered nicely from the horrible attack on his country, until one day he was just found wandering downtown. He had a slight mental break due to something else insignifacant that happened 10 years later.

Here is today’s thought (to make a long story short):

Don’t be afraid of counseling! Our person is made up of our experiences. However you got hurt in life will always haunt you, even if it’s at the subconscious level. And at the age of your trauma…you will be stuck at emotionally. You won’t learn adult coping skills until you face what hurt you as a child or teens.

Now the fact that my heart was broken in the 6th grade isn’t what scarred me! 🙂 That was just an example of how I handled issues. I hid from my feelings at an early age, and told everyone I was okay. Does that sound familiar to anyone out there?

Accepting help does not make you weak. It allows you the strength to be a whole person. How could that not make you stronger as an individual? As a mom? As a husband? As a wife? I see so many people use their hurt to hurt those around them.

A friend of mine was telling me about his wife the other day. She’s a woman, who was abandoned by her father. She uses her anger and resentment toward her dad to acuse her husband of not being there for her. Her husband may try as hard as he can to be what she needs, but he’ll never make it to an unrealistic goal. He can’t give what his wife needs, until she realized that her own issues are stressing the situation.

Anyone out there stuck in life. Stuck in place…not moving forward but lost in the past. If you’re wondering why you can’t get past certain thoughts or feelings…. please reach out! You can become whole again from whatever trauma you faced. If you’re not comfortable asking a therapists or psychologists for an appointment, call your pastor. Find someone that you can own up to with what you’re feeling. Telling someone is the first step to healing.

I had a lot of baby steps forward and a lot of falls back, but if it weren’t for counseling I wouldn’t have found “ME” again. I couldn’t peel back all these layers and find who I was. I learned how let out my feelings, instead of stuffing them. I wouldn’t have moved past what happened to me. I can actually type or say ‘date rape’ now with out flipping out! Yes, it happened! Yes, I acknowledge it! Yes, I love myself! And yes, I’m worthy of love from a wonderful man, my hubbie.

I want you all to know if God hadn’t had been front and center in my life throughout my life, I wouldn’t have survived at all. Even through the event itself, and the way I ignored what happened for 15 years…..if Christ hadn’t been holding me up…I wouldn’t be here today. I wouldn’t be who I am today.

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4 thoughts on “hiding from your hurt”

  1. Good post. I am also an advocate of counseling. It’s really helped me in my life. Once i got married I realized I couldn’t be depressed and be a good wife so I had to make a change and I’m so glad I did. Going to a counselor doesn’t mean you’re weak, it means your strong enough to take that step. I fought it for so many years and that was because I was being weak, not strong!

  2. Stuffing everything works…but only for a time. It all comes out in some way. I have been through many types of abuse and I too deal with PTSD…there is healing and there is hope. It is difficult but I know I am finally “on the other side” and it is amazing. Reaching out and making connections with others starts the healing process. I’ve actually been writing about this topic this week on my site..stop on by and thank you for your honesty in your post.

  3. Let’s see…

    If there’s a noise under the hood that won’t go away…
    I call a mechanic.

    When the discomfort in my mouth turns to pain…
    I call the dentist.

    When the dog sneezes backwards and then panics
    (like he did last night)…
    We call the vet.

    When the fever persists…
    We call the clinic.

    Why oh why
    When the heart hurts…
    do we not see a counselor?

    There’s a stigma somewhere, isn’t there? (gotta break it somehow)

    My wife and I finished a reconstructive two years with our counselor, and last September asked if we could call him our life-coach (instead of “counselor”) and see him five times a year because we don’t want to retrace ANY of those steps. We refuse to go back!!

    Solomon had good things to say about counselors – so should we.

    Phil—

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